KINGPIN TIN IN SHOCK
PARTICLE COLLIDER ATTACK
Switzerland's
Large Hadron Collider (LHC) has been mysteriously shut down, and
the world's worst fears appear to have been realised. In-depth
investigation by Loungecast and our associated agencies
indicate that Kingpin Tin,
the world's largest robot, may have accessed the collider itself.
If so it means that Kingpin Tin may have obtained strangelets,
the mysterious and hypothetical killer particles that he could
theoretically use in his next-gen armoury (as exclusively revealed
last issue.)
If
properly focused, the strangelets could be used to create a fatal
death ray, according to physicists at the WCD,
the Tortoise Island's leading scientific research institution.
Switzerland's
armed forces are desperately trying to find the Kingpin, hoping
to avert a deeper crisis. Meanwhile, the government has issued a
press release saying that the LHC has been closed for three months
due to a "faulty switching device."
The
delay gives a technological lead to the Even Larger Particle Collider
(ELPC) now under construction in the Tortoise Islands by an international
consortium including the WCD. Scientists had hoped to switch on
the ELPC early next year, but the Kingpin's attack has cast a dark
shadow over that plan and security arrangements are expected to
be reviewed.
ZIMBABWE PLAN TO BAIL
OUT US WALL ST CRISIS
Zimbabwe has
announced that it will send 380 trillion dollars to the USA as
a contributing solution to the global financial crisis that has
engulfed Wall Street and the American Economy. The Zimbabwe government
has revealed that the Royal Zimbabwe Mint, the world technological
leader at high volume printing, will work 25 hours a day until
the crisis is solved.
Zimbabwe Reserve
Bank Governor Mr Gideon Gono said today that the mint was capable
of printing up to 10 trillion dollars a day, noting that this state-of-the-art
technology eclipsed that of the USA and Europe. At that rate, he
calculated that 380 trillion could be printed in 26 days.
Zimbabwe has been
deeply concerned in recent times that the Wall Street avalanche
of bad debts could have a negative impact globally, filtering down
to Africa and potentially having an adverse effect on the Zimbabwe
economy.
However, the Zimbabwe
Prudential Commission, the Zimbabwe Federal Reserve and the Zimbabwe
Department of Finance have been closely monitoring the global financial
situation for the past month and have taken the appropriate pre-emptive
steps to anticipate the crisis.
Mr Gono said that
the government had already ordered 10,000 tons of extra paper and
25000 gallons of ink to cope with the extra demand. He also said
"It's imperative that the collapse of Wall Street isn't allowed
to negatively impact the financial equilibrium that we enjoy here
in Harare. I will continue to work closely with Presidents Mugabe
and Bush to avert a worldwide global international melt-down."
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